Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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