dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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