I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
