the condom got lost in my hair
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
