He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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