the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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