A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have fence marks all over my body
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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