this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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