did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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