I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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