my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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