are you so shy because you have an std?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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