my phone needs a breathalizer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
