I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
