He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You made out with two different species that night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
