I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
