The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
