Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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