sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
