Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
