Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Found your dick twin last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
