Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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