the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
