It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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