Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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