Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize