we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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