She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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