Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
