My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
