You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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