A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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