dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
