i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
