I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
