My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
