Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
