We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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