I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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