people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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