She announced her abortion via fbk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
