Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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