Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
