Wat do u mean how?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.