oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.