Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I want to be your penis for a week.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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