Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.