So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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