You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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