i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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