remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize