i'm home, then i'll come over
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then