I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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