Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.