You just made me feel so damn special
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.