i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
