Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
