Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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