but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
