I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
