Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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