it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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