The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
