Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need moral support for this bender
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
