he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
