i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
