I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
