how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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